


Just Try

by MedicDuFresne



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I know the book had been out for a decade but just in case, Past Character Death, Spoilers for the Last Olympian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MedicDuFresne/pseuds/MedicDuFresne
Summary: Takes place after the events of The Last Olympian, spoilers inside.Luke can't relax in Elysium, and he decides he really is going to try for rebirth. He just wants to be left alone, but there's someone who wants to talk.
Relationships: Luke Castellan & Hermes
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	Just Try

**Author's Note:**

  * For [biTurret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/biTurret/gifts).



> This was written for my partner who absolutely adores Luke and hates Hermes. We got into the PJO musical recently so we both read the books together (a re-read for me but it was his first time!).
> 
> I thought it was fascinating that it is implied that Luke goes to Elysium once he dies so here is my take on what that looks like.

No one ever talked about how quiet Elysium was. Growing up surrounded by stories of the great heroes of the past, people that Luke came to resent as the years passed and he turned his back on Olympus, Elysium was always touted as the end goal for every demi-god. Be a “great hero” and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to live it up for all eternity with the best of the best. Honestly, after everything Luke had been through while alive, the aggressively serene landscape of Elysium was nearly unbearable.

While time was basically non-existent in the realm of the dead, Luke was pretty sure he hadn’t been dead for long. He was still exploring new areas, trying to find his way to the River Lethe to be reborn. He had joked about it with Annabeth as he was dying, but as he saw more and more of the vibrant fields of Elysium, his resolve to follow through grew. Luke couldn’t relax, he couldn’t stop moving, couldn’t enjoy the peace of the afterlife.

Occasionally he would pass Greek pavilions full of other souls, the echos of their laughter and party breaking the silence. Some would wave him over, inviting him to join in their festivities. Luke would simply wave back then duck his head, walking faster to get away from the feasting souls. And then it was always back to the silence, the ever prevalent silence of peace. It drove him crazy.

In life there was always something to do, some monster to slay, some plan to put into motion. And now there was nothing urgent and Luke was itching for something, anything. When he was ushered up to Elysium, he was told that dying in battle would do that to a soul. You’d be restless for a long time, still in fight or flight mode. There were coliseums and training yards and archery ranges all in constant use for this exact problem. Of course, there were more modern solutions too. Tennis courts, soccer fields, most major sporting events had some representation. The lands were constantly shifting to provide for the souls residing there.

Luke had tried to work his nerves out in a training yard only once. The training yard looked just like the one back at camp, and honestly, Luke wasn’t sure if that was a coincidence or not. Celestial Bronze weapons of every shape and size lined the walls around the circular sandpit, but Luke went with a sword that most resembled the one he had carried in life for years. It felt great to have a sword back in his hands. The balance was perfect, and it made quick work of the self-replacing training dummies in the yard. Luke was finally starting to feel a bit more at home in the fabled Elysium when he saw movement out of the corner of his eyes. He spun and leveled his sword at the intruder, his battle reflexes in full swing, but froze when he came face to face with Charlie Beckendorf. Guilt and shame heated his face while his veins turned to ice, rooting him on the spot. If his heart could still beat, he was sure it would be pounding in his ears.

They stood facing each other for only a few moments, just long enough for Luke’s sword to start to shake as Beckendorf took a step forward, his expression calm. He was even  _ smiling.  _ He was smiling as if he was happy to see Luke, but Luke felt sick to his stomach. Beckendorf opened his mouth to say something but Luke didn’t stick around to find out what. He dropped his sword in the sand and ran, away from Beckendorf and away from whatever he had to say. He never went near the training arenas after that. He was too afraid to see another half-blood that was here as a direct result of him and his stupid choices in life. He didn’t  _ deserve _ to see them again.

So instead he wandered. He walked the fields of Elysium and avoided everyone, stuck in a loop of so desperately wanting to do something to calm his nerves but of not wanting to encounter anyone he knew. And the longer he walked, the more he wanted to make good on the whole being reborn thing. The fact of the matter was that he didn’t feel like he had earned Elysium. Maybe he had made the right decisions at the very end of his life, but that shouldn’t have erased all of his previous actions. There were too many people in here because of him, but maybe if he could make it to Elysium on his own in the next life he would stay. Or maybe he really would try for three and get the Isles of the Blest.

The frustrating part was that technically the River Lethe wasn’t hard to find at all. It wound and cut its way through the fields of Elysium as if taunting Luke. There were beautiful bridges that crossed the swirling waters and spilling waterfalls as the tides of the river raced by. But Luke had to find the specific part of the river that he could be dipped in that would not just wipe his memories but also send his soul back up top to be reborn. Plenty of souls here took quick dips in the river to rid themselves of their foul memories of life while retaining the good, but Luke wanted it to be all or nothing. He figured if he just followed the river, it would eventually lead him to where he needed to be.

So he walked. He stayed away from the other souls and walked. Sometimes he wondered if the Fates were kind enough to let him meet Annabeth and Thalia again in his new life. Maybe they could even be friends again. Thalia was immortal unless she died in battle, but Annabeth would only live for so long. It was a long shot but maybe it could happen. And Luke could only hope that this time it would be without gods and titans interfering.

As Luke followed the twisting bends of the Lethe through Elysium, he came across a temple that was half-sunk into the bank of the river. Like a lot of the buildings here, it was a mixture of crumbling and pristine. The marble columns were cracked and covered with ivy that had climbed up and covered whatever mosaic might have been on the ceiling inside. But the marble itself had a faint glow and Luke knew there wouldn’t be a speck of dust in the place even though it looked like no one had visited this temple in eons. The entrance to the temple was down the bank a bit and Luke could just make out an empty terrace overlooking the river on the side of the building. Maybe if he could make it to the terrace then he could scout ahead and see if he was any closer to his destination.

He skidded down the bank of the Lethe to get to the entrance, careful not to overbalance, and end up head-first in the gently flowing waters. The river whispered to him as it always did when he got this close. Tempting invitations to come and bathe, relieve his mind of his worries and his past, to enjoy all the comforts that Elysium had to offer. He had quite enough of things messing with his mind during life though, so he shook off the gentle pull from the water and carefully made his way to the entrance.

The stairs were cracked but held his weight as he entered the dimly lit temple. It took a moment but his eyes eventually adjusted to the new lighting. Fairy lights faded in and out above his head, illuminating the tangled ivy and bits of an intricate mosaic that was obscured underneath. His footsteps echoed in the empty halls, and even though Luke knew there couldn’t be danger here, his nerves were still on end. Eventually, that was supposed to fade. After everything, his restless soul was supposed to adjust to the comforts of the afterlife where monsters and titans and gods couldn’t hurt him. But he wasn’t planning on sticking in Elysium long enough for that to happen.

Luke trailed his hand over the mosaics and intricately carved reliefs on the walls of the small, dark temple as he walked. He recognized the figures of one of the Charites, Pasithea, and her husband Hypnos. They were shown together granting rest and relaxation to those who would walk their halls, bringing sleep to restless heroes and granting their weary souls respite. Luke could feel the tempting tug of their blessing. A part of him knew that if he just let them guide him, he would find comfort and rest in the dark halls. He was starting to get the impression that the temple was much larger than he thought, and that somewhere in these dimly lit halls there were beds and maybe even a bath that he could sink into and maybe start letting go of his past life.

It was so tempting, to just let another guide him just as he had in life. To allow himself to stop and rest, something he could never do when he was alive. But then Luke remembered those scant few times before camp when he, Thalia, and Annabeth had been holed up in one of their safehouses, temporarily safe from the monsters who constantly pursued them. And then of being around the campfire with his fellow half-bloods, lamenting about their godly parents and the lot they had all pulled in life. There had been moments of rest then, and Luke wanted to get back to that. Get back to the living world where rest would actually mean something, as opposed to the forced calm of Elysium.

So just like with the tempting pull of the Lethe, Luke took a deep breath and cleared his head. He pushed aside the pull of the minor gods and kept walking, and he was pretty sure that if he followed this hall it would lead him to the terrace. All he needed was a clear view of how the river progressed through the hills and then he could better plot his course forward towards rebirth.

At the end of the hall, a gentle light was pouring into the hallway. It caught on the colorful mosaic tiles and made little reflections of light dance off them and shimmer in the otherwise dim hall. Luke figured that was probably the terrace and picked up his pace, eager to get away from the constant pull of the temple.

He turned the corner into the light and had to bring his hand up to cover his adjusting eyes to the bright outside lighting. Luke took a step out onto the terrace and felt the tempting lull of the temple fade away now that he was surrounded once again by the serene soft light of the hills of Elysium. Luke dropped his hand, his eyes now fully adjusted, and couldn’t help the choked noise of surprise that slipped out of him. Once again found himself frozen, staring at a familiar figure at the edge of the terrace. Their back was to Luke but he would know that staff, those shoes, that silhouette anywhere. 

Hermes turned to face Luke, his expression hard to read. Luke felt trapped. Part of him screamed to do the same thing he did when he ran into Beckendorf, to run away like a coward, but this time it wouldn’t be to hide his guilt but to preserve his righteous anger at how his father had treated him throughout his life. But another part of him ached to get closure, to maybe talk with Hermes and understand what went wrong. Where  _ he _ went wrong.

“Someone has been busy,” Hermes joked, but it was strained. Luke realized that the god was nervous, but he wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or not.

“I wouldn’t exactly call anything here busy. Except for maybe the arenas,” Luke slowly walked out onto the terrace. While he spoke he was judging the quickest way to escape. Would he have to run through the temple again, or maybe he could make the jump from the terrace down to the river bank without falling in.

Hermes cleared his throat, catching Luke’s attention again, “You can go, if you want. I won’t stop you.”

“I know,” Luke felt the back of his neck heat with shame at being read so easily, which he scolded himself for as well. Hermes might be his father but he was still a god, of course he could see if Luke was plotting something.

“ _ Hermes kept getting distracted while working because he couldn’t find you here, _ ” George hissed, sounding like he had been waiting to spit that little piece of trivia out since Luke arrived on the terrace.

“ _ George, quiet, _ ” Martha admonished, “ _ you know Hermes doesn’t want people to know that he was so distracted that he kept delivering the wrong messages! _ ”

Hermes banged the end of his staff into the marble, looking at his companions like he was contemplating dropping them both in the River Lethe. “Can it, both of you.”

_ “Sorry,”  _ they hissed in unison, and then returned to their usual position wrapped around the staff.

Hermes shook his head, “Don’t listen to either of them, they never know what they’re talking about.”

“So they wouldn’t know anything about the messenger god mixing up his messages,” Luke almost started smiling. The thought of his godly parent messing up one of his major jobs made the god seem a lot more human. But Luke kept his face neutral, he wasn’t here to make nice with his dad.

“No, no they wouldn’t,” Hermes looked at Luke like he wanted to say something else but dropped it. Instead, he turned and looked across the river and the rolling hills. The quiet was back, but this time it felt even more oppressive with Hermes standing next to Luke. This was the longest they had ever talked without a fight, but Luke was pretty sure that wouldn’t last.

There were a million things that Luke wanted to say, wanted to ask. But he also didn’t want to give Hermes the satisfaction. So they waited, both looking out at the beautiful landscape in front of them. A place that everyone seemed to want to get into but Luke couldn’t wait to leave.

“You’re probably wondering how I found you,” Hermes started. When Luke only met him with a shrug, the god sighed and motioned back towards the temple. “You can thank Hypnos for that. Once a soul is in the Underworld, they’re tough to find. And it seems like someone has been avoiding all of the benefits that Elysium offers.”

Luke wanted to snap at his father, tell him he wasn’t interested in anything Elysium had, but instead, he just said, “Well maybe I didn’t want to be found.”

“I had a feeling you wouldn’t,” Hermes turned to Luke, this time his expression was clear. He was sad, and that level of vulnerability left Luke confused. “Son- uh, Luke, I had hoped that you would enjoy Elysium. You don’t have to fight anymore, you can just, you know-”

“Relax?” Luke cut him off, unable to stop the venom from seeping into his voice, “Don’t you think I know that? I don’t wanna relax, I don’t want any of this.”

“But you’ve earned it, Luke, you-”

Luke cut him off again, every word his father said just fired him up even more, “You don’t get to tell me what I’ve earned. After everything you did, after everything you  _ didn’t _ do? You didn’t wanna interfere when I was alive, so what’s the difference now?”

Hermes looked pained and a part of Luke relished that, “The difference is that the Great Prophecy and your part in it are done. You made the right choice at the end, you saved Olympus.”

Luke barked out a laugh, “Oh I saved Olympus, did I? Only after I helped bring it to its deathbed,” Luke started pacing around the terrace, his anger keeping him from staying still anymore.

“That was your destiny, my son. The Fates chose a hard path for you to walk but there was no changing it, and no avoiding it,” Hermes almost sounded like he was pleading with Luke. If Luke wasn’t so angry, he might have found that poetic. “There was nothing I could do.”

That struck a chord with Luke, a deep and festering hurt he had been covering his whole life. He spun on his heels to face Hermes and hated how his voice wavered when he yelled back, “But you didn’t even  _ try! _ ”

His words echoed over the river, slowly lost in the lush greenery around them. Hermes looked shocked, he probably wasn’t used to anyone besides another god talking to him that way. Luke felt his anger waver and threaten to turn to sorrow so he quickly turned around, unable to look at his godly parent anymore. In a tight, controlled voice that he would swear on the River Styx didn’t break, he repeated, “You didn’t even try.”

Everything was still and quiet while Luke stood there, trying to get his breathing under control and to keep control over his raging emotions. He didn’t even register Hermes getting closer until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He tensed, caught between ripping himself away from Hermes and leaning into the touch. When he didn’t move, Hermes placed his other hand on Luke as well and gently turned him so that Luke was facing Hermes again.

Luke kept his eyes down, he would die again before he let Hermes see his red eyes full of unspilled tears. He expected the lecture, he had heard it before both from Hermes and other adults that he was supposed to look up to. There’s no changing the Fate’s design, each demi-god has a purpose, blah blah blah. But instead, Hermes pulled Luke into a hug.

It was strange to hug a god. Not that Luke had a comparison point really, but Hermes was warmer than he expected, and nearly humming with energy. The god wrapped his arms around Luke and held him close, much like how Luke could imagine a father was supposed to do with their kid. And there, held by his father for the first time in his memory, Luke started to cry.

He cried over everything he had missed by being a half-blood: the normal childhood, the parental support, the friends he might have had. He cried over the friends he had led right to Kronos only to die at the hands of the demi-gods who stayed true. He cried over his lost friendship with Annabeth and Thalia, and the friendship he could have had with even Percy. But mostly he cried over the little boy who was left with a mother unfit to raise a child who learned to hate the world before he really got the chance to love it.

And through it all, Hermes hugged him, Luke may have even felt a comforting hand in his hair as he sobbed. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but once his tears eventually stopped, Luke wiped his face and stepped away from his dad. He cleared his throat, suddenly awkward after that display of weakness. Hermes had the good grace to look away while Luke regained his composure. Luke couldn’ve swore he even saw Hermes wipe away some of his own tears. He felt a million times lighter, like the weight of everything he had been carrying during his life had been lifted. It wasn’t gone, but it was more bearable now.

“Sorry,” Luke cleared his throat and internally winced at how raw it sounded after all that crying.

“Don’t mention it,” Hermes waved him off, falling back into his casual, calm attitude that Luke was more accustomed to seeing on his father from the few times they had met.

“Uh, I guess you should know that I’m going for rebirth,” Luke kicked a small piece of marble off the terrace and into the gentle waters of the Lethe. He wasn’t sure why he was telling Hermes this but he needed to talk about something and he certainly didn’t want to talk about what had just happened and he had a feeling Hermes didn’t either.

Hermes sighed, “I had a feeling. You could be happy here, you know. Make amends with people, spend eternity in peace. You did earn this.”

Luke shook his head and gestured out at the landscape, “This isn’t me. It doesn’t matter if some entity deemed me worthy of Elysium, I want to get here my way.”

“You’re as stubborn as your mother,” Hermes said fondly. He picked his staff up from where he had leaned it against the temple wall at some point, “For what its worth, I am sorry. You’re right, I should have tried. The gods bend the rules all the time, and I should have bent them for you.”

Luke shrugged, but he would be lying if he said that it didn’t feel good to finally get that apology from him, “Just do me a favor and don’t fuck up the rest of your kids like you did to me. Send them quests, give them a sign. Claim them, show them you care, stuff like that.”

Hermes chuckled and nodded, “I’ll keep that in mind. Do you want a lift? I can bring you to the part of the Lethe that you need.”

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Luke walked to the edge of the terrace and did some quick calculations before looking back to his dad. “No offense, but I didn’t get your help in life and I don’t need it now. I’ll find my own way.”

Hermes rolled his eyes, but that fond smile was back, “Right, I getcha, too cool for your old man. No, no, I get it. Well, have fun with all of that. I’ve gotta run anyway, lots of work to catch up on.”

_ “I hope you’re reborn as another son of Hermes,”  _ George flicked his tongue at Luke as Hermes stepped off the terrace and right into the air, “ _ that way you’ll already know to bring us rats! _ ”

Martha thumped George with the tip of her tail, “ _ You stop that right now. Goodbye Luke, I do hope we get to meet again someday. _ ”

Luke smiled, “Me too Martha. You were always my favorite out of the three of you.”

“ _ Hey! _ ” Both George and Hermes protested at the same time, which made Luke laugh. He waved to his father then jumped down off the terrace, landing on the slippery bank of the Lethe. He skidded for a second before his shoes finally caught traction and he climbed out of the bank.

At the top, he turned but Hermes was already gone. Off to deliver some message or ferry another soul down to the Underworld. Always busy busy busy being a god. Luke dusted off his pants from the clover and fresh dirt that he picked up climbing away from the river then realized he had forgotten to actually survey the land when he was on the terrace with Hermes. Luke groaned and felt every bit like an angry teen as he trudged back towards the entrance of the temple. Maybe this time he wouldn’t run into anyone and he could actually make his way towards his destination in peace.

The pull of the temple was easy to ignore this time now that Luke was filled with a new determination to keep moving. He held his breath as he turned the corner but this time there was no one on the terrace, but it wasn’t empty either. At the end of the stonework overlooking the Lethe, a familiar pair of shoes with wings had been placed with a note on top.

Luke couldn’t believe it. The last time he had seen those shoes was when he had given them to Percy as a trap to bring him down into Tartarus. He had assumed then, all those years ago, that he would never see the gift from his father again, and at the time he was glad for it. The note was in a simple, handwritten script that just said:

Fished these out, thought you might want them back. -H

The absolute bastard. Luke laughed to himself and strapped on the winged shoes which sprang to life the second he got them secure. Rising into the air was a little shaky, but he had spent hours flying in these things when he was young. It came back to him quickly and it wasn’t long before he was comfortably zooming around the outside of the terrace, circling the building and stretching his flying muscles.

He flew to the top of the temple and stood on the large dome at the center. He could see for miles up there and had a perfect view of the Lethe. He still couldn’t find the rebirth point, but farther along more and more ancient Greek buildings were gathered along the river banks. That’s where he needed to head to send his soul back up to the living world. At least his original assumption of following the river was correct, but now he was no longer beholden to the arbitrary twists and turns of the flowing river.

Luke pushed off the roof and flew towards the buildings in the distance. It was time for him to keep moving. And who knew, maybe he would stop by some coliseums or training yards on the way. There were a lot of people here that he wanted to make amends with before he left, but now he was finally ready to.

Luke finally felt in control of himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
